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Hey, it’s Phebe.

I never wanted to reach this place, but I need help. after being stalked for over 4 months then spiked, burnout, and endless benefit delays, I’m tired deep in my bones. I’m a deaf trans woman trying to stay safe, warm, alive for myself and my beautiful trans family I live with.

And beyond surviving, I have one glowing dream: to finally go home.
I haven’t been back to Aotearoa in 4 years.
I want to sit beside my granny as her eyesight fades and let her truly meet me. (she has passed) I want to stand barefoot on the beaches where I grew up and remember why I’m still here.

If you can help, please do. If you can share with link, that helps too. Thank you for keeping me here. 🧿🤍

FULL STORY + LINK (IN MY BIO)

he stood backstage
seen as a techno boy
all bassline pulse and bitten lips,
born under strobe, not spotlight

but across the mirror
girls like swans,
hair slicked tight into silence
spines pulled into prayer

he watched their hands
learn softness
their mothers’ fingers
braiding legacy into scalp

a girl within a mirror ached

not for the stage
but for the ritual
the part where you become

she wanted the same hair
same parting, same discipline
to be held still
and made beautiful

so she did

and when the music hit
it was never a boy

it was a girl
mid-spin
tearing through the air
like she was always meant to be seen

he stood backstage
seen as a techno boy
all bassline pulse and bitten lips,
born under strobe, not spotlight

but across the mirror
girls like swans,
hair slicked tight into silence
spines pulled into prayer

he watched their hands
learn softness
their mothers’ fingers
braiding legacy into scalp

a girl within a mirror ached

not for the stage
but for the ritual
the part where you become

she wanted the same hair
same parting, same discipline
to be held still
and made beautiful

so she did

and when the music hit
it was never a boy

it was a girl
mid-spin
tearing through the air
like she was always meant to be seen

he stood backstage
seen as a techno boy
all bassline pulse and bitten lips,
born under strobe, not spotlight

but across the mirror
girls like swans,
hair slicked tight into silence
spines pulled into prayer

he watched their hands
learn softness
their mothers’ fingers
braiding legacy into scalp

a girl within a mirror ached

not for the stage
but for the ritual
the part where you become

she wanted the same hair
same parting, same discipline
to be held still
and made beautiful

so she did

and when the music hit
it was never a boy

it was a girl
mid-spin
tearing through the air
like she was always meant to be seen

I CHOSE MY NAME BEFORE I KNEW IT WAS ALREADY THERE BURIED IN THE LETTERS I OUTGREW THE REAL PATH DOESN’T ECHO IT ONLY MOVES FORWARD FOLLOW HER INTO THE DARK ABYSS ITS THE LIGHT BEYOND.

Help Phebe stay safe in London after being stalked and spiked, and return home for the first time in 4 years.
Full story on GoFundMe + highlights 🤍

#PHEBEPAUA

FOLLOW @transcrushpodcast
Phebe joins Trans Crush to share her extraordinary story of growing up deaf, becoming an international male model, and eventually transitioning after years of hiding her identity.

Born in New Zealand and later traveling the world through modeling in cities like Sydney, New York, Los Angeles, and Tokyo, Phebe spent over a decade performing masculinity on camera while privately struggling with identity, addiction, and self-acceptance. After getting sober and finding the courage to transition, she left everything behind and moved to London to start a completely new life.

Comment YOUTUBE to get the link or PATREON to access bonus content. 🤩

#trans #podcast

FOLLOW @transcrushpodcast
Phebe joins Trans Crush to share her extraordinary story of growing up deaf, becoming an international male model, and eventually transitioning after years of hiding her identity.

Born in New Zealand and later traveling the world through modeling in cities like Sydney, New York, Los Angeles, and Tokyo, Phebe spent over a decade performing masculinity on camera while privately struggling with identity, addiction, and self-acceptance. After getting sober and finding the courage to transition, she left everything behind and moved to London to start a completely new life.

Comment YOUTUBE to get the link or PATREON to access bonus content. 🤩

#trans #podcast

Phebe joins Trans Crush to share her extraordinary story of growing up deaf, becoming an international male model, and eventually transitioning after years of hiding her identity.

Born in New Zealand and later traveling the world through modeling in cities like Sydney, New York, Los Angeles, and Tokyo, Phebe spent over a decade performing masculinity on camera while privately struggling with identity, addiction, and self-acceptance. After getting sober and finding the courage to transition, she left everything behind and moved to London to start a completely new life.

Comment YOUTUBE to get the link or PATREON to access bonus content. 🤩

#trans #podcast

@apocstore
@cd1974.com_
@benjamingreco
@cruda_cruda
@apoclondon

MY WINGS WERE CUT.

Help Phebe stay safe in London after being stalked and spiked, and return home for the first time in 4 years.
Full story on GoFundMe + highlights 🤍

MY WINGS WERE CUT.

Help Phebe stay safe in London after being stalked and spiked, and return home for the first time in 4 years.
Full story on GoFundMe + highlights 🤍

CANT TAKE NO MORE.

Help Phebe stay safe in London after being stalked and spiked, and return home for the first time in 4 years.
Full story on GoFundMe + highlights 🤍

@THEFACEMAGAZINE

Photography: @jacqueline.landvik
Styling: @mmmmmmmmorena
Casting: @lisadymph
Hair & Makeup: @lunayagarcia
Intro & Interviews: @jadewickes
Published by: @thefacemagazine
Full Interview Online
Summer 2025 Print Issue

@THEFACEMAGAZINE

Photography: @jacqueline.landvik
Styling: @mmmmmmmmorena
Casting: @lisadymph
Hair & Makeup: @lunayagarcia
Intro & Interviews: @jadewickes
Published by: @thefacemagazine
Full Interview Online
Summer 2025 Print Issue

@THEFACEMAGAZINE

Photography: @jacqueline.landvik
Styling: @mmmmmmmmorena
Casting: @lisadymph
Hair & Makeup: @lunayagarcia
Intro & Interviews: @jadewickes
Published by: @thefacemagazine
Full Interview Online
Summer 2025 Print Issue

@MAXIMILIANRAYNOR

Help Phebe stay safe in London after being stalked and spiked, and return home for the first time in 4 years.
Full story on GoFundMe + highlights 🤍

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